你試過歸心似箭嗎？

昨天晚上團契完結後，很想快點回家。大概上帝也知悉我的想法，來到車站不用等候便跳上了一輛往西環的小巴。小巴在黑夜的雨中飛馳，雨點在窗外面流動著... 我在想：「家裡有我最想見的人，還有別的地方比家更好嗎？」

Who am I? Who are you?

[A note to yesterday's blog.]

Think about how you introduce yourself to people:

"I am Sarita." Some people define themselves with their names, because their names reveals certain stories (and thus meanings) in their lives. Those are either joyful stories they treasure or painful memories they couldn't get rid of. It further strengthen their life narratives. So why do people change their names?

"I am a man." or "I am a woman." Some people define themselves according to their sex, (Note that in some forms that we need to fill in, people begin to use gender (性向) instead of sex (性別) -- you know why.) because man and woman "are supposed to" act and behave differently. Do you agree?

"I am a man. I'm not a kid anymore!" Some people define themselves according to their age, because every age group "is supposed to" do different things, and belonging to certain age group entitles or limit you from doing certain things. And in our community there are certain age groups which got bigger control over the others. Guess which?

"I am a designer.", "I am a manager." or "I am a writer." We define ourselves according to our profession, because either the profession reflects certain social class we belong, or reflects our accomplishment or how much we earn. If we are not, we'll try to cover it with some terms which sounds better (see my comment on this blog), or we wouldn't introduce ourselves in this way, and use something else to define ourselves. True?

"I am a Macintosh enthusiast.", "I am a celloist.", "I am a tough negotiator." or "I am Miss Hong Kong." We define ourselves according to things which we're good at, because it reflects our taste and it gives us some sense of significance of ourselves. The more we get the significance, the harder we'll study or practice into it. It is something to claim victory over someone who is actually more powerful than us ("My boss is a dumb, he just uses Wintel PC." or "These kids only know Twins and Kenny. They'll never be interested in Bach or Tchaikovsky."). How about you?

"I am a Chinese." or "I am a Hongkonger." We define ourselves according to our ethnical standing. We identify ourselves to a certain group of people whom we don't actually know (most of them we don't even know their names or never met them before! (Anderson, 1983)) but feel very connected because we buy in the same culture as theirs, or we found our so-called root among them. What does it mean to you by being a Chinese or a Hongkonger?

"I am the husband of Patricia.", "I am the son of Mr Chan.", "I am a student of Paul Rand." or "I am a loyal fan of Twins." We define ourselves according to our relation with other people, most probably because these people means a lot to us. They may be someone we're proud of. Who are you attached to? What if these people disappoint you one day?

"I am a father of 2 kids." We define ourselves according to our role in the family, most probably because we enjoy very much our family life. But on the dark side, this role gives us pride too -- we tend to introduce ourselves like this when we are enjoying the dominant role and we have authority over other family members. If other members in the family turn hostile or rebellious against us, we'll try to hide our family conditions before other people. Does your family members make you proud?

"I am an environmentalist." or "I am an anti-terrorist." We define ourselves according to our discontent about our surroundings. So badly we hope that we can contribute something to make our surroundings nearer to what we want it to be. What is your discontent? (I know 學子's.)

"I am a Christian." We define ourselves according to our belief, our faith or religion. It represents something we're heading for and striving to be. This is our ideal self, although we're not up to the standard yet. Are you ready to go totally committed to it?

Anderson, Benedict (1983). Imagined Communities: Reflections on the Origin and Spread of Nationalism. London and New York: Verso.

Negotiate and Obey

「順服 is really a big lesson to learn for Christians.」阿Mie說得好！

To negotiate is to refuse giving up. We refuse to give up before God because we do not believe what is prepared by God for us will be better than what we have or what we want. Because we are attached to things or people around us, which and who are what define who we are -- we think (see my next blog). We're afraid that we forget who we are if we do not take grasp of those things or people. When God is trying to take away those things and want our true and new-born self (which is so precious that God sacrificed His only Son for it!) to be revealed, we hesitate, we hide, we escape, we deny, we refuse and reject... and of course we negotiate too if we got nowhere to go.

Somehow most of the time I think we're trying to earn the best of both worlds by being a God-fearing Christian but at the same time also grasping as much as we can in this world -- the materialistic life, the people, the fame, the status, the achievement, the knowledge... -- never think of giving up ("surrender" is the better word) these things to God. I think of a song we sing so often:

假若我有無限智慧，我甘棄主腳下；
假若我有財物滿貫，我交給主手中；
我願這生獻呈為你，願明白你心意！
「不用獻我財物智慧，將心給我！」

Afterall, it is a matter of how much we trust our Lord, isn't it?

Indulge in my blogs

Which one looks better? I want the black one.

If you've been feeling weaker by the day...

Petra finally announced retirement (in Dec 2005) after 33 years of music and ministry! The band had released more than 20 albums -- all of them boldly and consistently proclaimed the gospel of Christ.


Petra (Greek, meaning "rock" in English, see Matthews 16:18) has been my most favorite Christian band in all these years. Whenever I find myself weaker (like today), their songs helped to strengthen me -- for so many times. There're so many songs that I can share, here's one of them. I wish they could do the same to you...

More Power to Ya
Words and music by Bob Hartman
Based on Isaiah 40:31

You say you've been feeling weaker, weaker by the day
You say you can't make the joy of your salvation stay
But good things come to them that wait
Not to those who hesitate
So hurry up and wait upon the Lord

(Chorus)
More power to ya
When you're standing on His word
When you're trusting with your whole heart in the message you have heard
More power to ya
When we're all in one accord
They that wait upon the Lord, they shall renew, they shall renew their strength

Jesus promised His disciples He'd give strength to them
Jesus told them all to tarry in Jerusalem
When they were all in one accord
The power of His Spirit poured
And they began to turn the world around (Chorus)

So be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might
Put on all His armor and fight the good fight
In all of our weakness, He becomes so strong
When He gives us the power and the strength to carry on (Chorus)

YCC b&s, do you still remember Isaiah 40:31 was quoted during our last Sunday service?

Tick, tick, tick...

Added a clock on the sidebar. Thanks ClockLink for the free clock! You need to have Macromedia Flash Player installed with your browser -- in case you don't, get it by clicking on this button:



Guys and gals, take your time and enjoy reading!

宏偉過恩召堂百倍， 裝修費就可能只係恩召堂百分之一唧...

唔得，一定要話俾Fusion同莘莘學子知至得...

前一排仲讀緊莘莘學子個blog話bad design既凶手可能係budget低或甚至係無budget咁話... 拿！而家恩召家卒之肯洗多些少，攪到個意大利餐廳look果然俾人津津樂道。但係呢位Amy小姐居然可以用我地百分之一既裝修費（我估），整間宏偉過我地千百倍既禮拜堂出黎，你話佢係咪好掂？







仔細到連洗禮個水池都有埋，個講壇又咁有型，服未？

皇馬對北京現代

記憶中，好像是自92年世界杯後便沒有一次過看完整場的足球比賽，直至昨晚看了錄影的【皇馬對北京現代】，不是因為要看碧咸（坦白說，我認為奧雲比他帥，何況他跟本沒有出場）、朗拿 度、施丹或是費高，而是為了想聽「阿叔」林尚義、阿叻和伍晃榮這個足球評述的絕配組合！可惜原來他們只旁述了少過一半的比賽時間，主要的評述還是交給了何靜江和曾 偉忠，真氣人！

碰巧今天又讀到呂大樂在明報的文章， 甚有共鳴。在備受全球化和消費主義支配下的今天，人們所尋求的文化身份已不單局限於國 家，還有民族、本鄉、宗教、或甚至是音樂的取向、食物的偏好、和擁戴那一隊足球隊...（Matthews, 2000）文化身份已經一如陳列在超級市場的消費貨品，是個人品味和偏好的選擇，以這些選擇來界定「我是誰」...

Matthews, G. (2000), Global identity / individual identity: searching for home in the cultural supermarket. London: Routledge.

Life as Narrative

[Edited from my reply to Mie in her blog yesterday, this could be a good sequel to my previous blog.]

History is a record of the past, but history is NOT the past. We cannot change history, but we can change the way how history is recorded.

Ruth Finnegan, Graham Swift and Jerome Bruner all wrote about human beings being the only kind of animal which tell stories. As we grow, we experience more about life, good and bad, joy and pain... and we'll need to and try to re-construct our past through telling stories (to both ourselves and other people) of our lives, trying to make sense of everything out of it (one way of "making sense" is to link up all these past experience of ours to make them a continuity) -- because we cannot accept our lives as fragments of just-some-other-events or making no sense at all. (A man who thinks his life making no sense will either go mad or kill himself.) This is human nature.

During this story-telling process, or personal history-making process, we will see ourselves differently from time to time. Everyday we experience something new and we have new stories to tell (to both ourselves and other people), then we got updated history of ourselves. But because they are stories, we need to make sense of the cause and consequences -- every story has some background causes and then they lead to different consequences, e.g. because I've been hurt in the past, that's why I'm afraid to disclose my real self. We can't justify our present self if we can't find a good past experience to be the cause of it. And like any other knowledge recorded (e.g. social science, history, psychology, natural sciences...), these are basically stories repeatedly retold and re-interpreted, over and over again. It changes (or is distorted) according to when we're re-telling these stories, who we're re-telling these stories to, and on what occasion we're re-telling these stories. (One obvious example is how people explain things happened in the office to their bosses, trying to avoid being responsible of everything...)

We need to be alert that our "made-up" stories sometimes distorted the "real" history of ourselves, because our way of telling stories about ourselves are inevitably influenced and distorted by our past experience, our family and education backgrounds, our peer groups, and the cultural communities we belong (e.g. the bombs in London are narrated as terrorists' devilish plans by the West, but Al-Quaeda followers would glorified them as heroic stories!). So in a way, these stories or history about ourselves DO NOT actually reflect our real past, but only re-interpretations of the story-teller himself and his way of seeing things. This is a very important way of understanding how we see ourselves and how our self-identity and image are constructed.

So how do we understand ourselves? Our understanding of ourselves is always changing due to these constantly changing criteria:
1. everytime the story is re-told, a new interpretation is made based on the additional personal experience added (when compared to the time that same story was last told). In other words, every time it is a new "me" telling the same story with a new interpretation.
2. the way stories "should be" told as influenced by common/social/culturall conventions.
So judge carefully about this narrative of our past, be aware of its strength and problem and apply it to your own analysis of everyday life.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2)

So how do we let ourselves change and let the Holy Spirit renew our lives so that we can live ourselves as a re-born person in Jesus Christ? How this could be done? Re-telling, re-interpreting your past will make "you" change. But if we're to stick to the old ways of understanding our stories, the cause and consequences, this old "us" will only be strengthened by the re-telling of the stories, and don't we ever think of freeing ourselves from the past wounds and living our life differently. The old way of telling stories about ourselves explains how I understand myself as myself today. But I need to be very self-aware that this understanding is only a "worldly" understanding and construction of myself, but not according to what the Bible told me -- my life is re-born and totally new in Jesus Christ, and I'm precious as He sees me for He sacrificed His life for me. With the love He gave me, I am now able to see my past in a totally new perspective, and perhaps with this love I can also love all the people around me, for they could be loved, and worth loving is not according to their past stories anymore (although some of them have hurt us in the past), but because the Lord also sacrificed His life for them too. My life transformed because of this.

This does not mean that we should abandon all our past, or not telling stories to anybody including ourselves about the past again. The conventional term is "to face your past, deal with it." The practical way is to share with somebody you trust, take the incident apart, analyse the hurt it did to you, pray to God for a cure and help you to forgive and forget. Keeping it in your heart and not mentioning it will only leave the transformation of the re-born self not fully completed. The old self is still holding strong.

Forgiven. Reconciled. This is the secret. Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set free both someone and yourself! Forgive the one who caused you the wound. Forgive yourself for not dealing with it appropriately. Accept and admit your past as a matter of fact for you cannot doing anything to change it. But do reconcile with this wounded past, reconcile with this person who caused the wound, and reconcile with your sinful past, for you're a new child in Him, and nothing can change this too -- this is the framework of re-telling that same old story, then you're truly free from your past, and the transformation is complete!

Gazing on Myself

These photos were taken years ago in Copenhagen, Denmark. I like to watch these people painting themselves all in white and silver. The 2 white couple changed to a new posture whenever people threw a coin into the container on the ground. For fun I dropped 5 to 6 coins continuously, one in every 2 seconds, and they had to change 5 to 6 different postures continuously within a short time, and people enjoyed watching them.

Perhaps human beings are too visual-oriented, we look, we watch, we stare, we gaze, but mostly on other things and other people. I'm more interested in gazing myself, my inner self.

Design & Research

Had a meeting with some art and design educators recently. Got quite surprised on how they were so cautious about "research", when on one hand they were attracted by the financial resources research can tap for them, one the other they were reluctant to articulate in layman terms on what they are "researching", since all the resources spent will need to be accountable to the resource providers...

Thoughts and quotes on design and research
Brought up as a designer, my training almost taught me that "innate creativity and intuition tend to be glorified. Although becoming a designer involves the acquisition of certain technical skills, true excellence in this field tends to be measured more by the creative brilliance of the objects or services a designer has developed, the way these items blend esthetic beauty with an elegant functionality and ease of use. Although designers recognize that their inspirations are shaped by their engagement with various external sources, ranging from market surveys to observations of consumers, they nonetheless highlight their internal processes as being the essential locus of new ideas." (Wasson, 2002) Although what I believed has changed in recent years when design became more linked with other disciplines so as to generate a proper design solutions for the real world, many of my fellow colleagues, and more seriously our clients (although they had never received any training in what is art or design), still hold this as their belief. They see design "as an autonomous, inward-looking relationship between designer and product", an intuitive ability that almost belong to a God-given talent, despite the fact that many of the knowledge actually evolved from the training of skills they received and the experience they earned in all these years when they practiced the profession. Creativity seems to be something divine, "the foundation of their work, is the faith that motivates all designers" (Heskett, 1980:7––8).

However, the meaning of design is actually changing. We cannot view it as the way we viewed it. We need to understand where it is heading for, and how does this imply the changes brought to the role and the job descriptions of a designer. Ken Friedman has commented that the very definition of design, the domains of knowledge and skills that comprise it, and the balance between art and science are changing. He noted that "[s]tudents who wish to become designers in the postmodern knowledge economy will enter an inherently multidisciplinary profession. This profession involves a wide variety of professionals, including scientists (physical, biological, and social), engineers (industrial, civil, biological, genetic, electrical, and software), and managers, as well as many kinds of artists and artisans now called designers.... Everybody engaged in the process of defining, planning, and configuring artifacts and systems will be considered 'designers.' "(Friedman, 2002) Designer nowadays seems need to incorporate knowledge of every kind to solve problems he came across in his projects. But perhaps it is also that this embracing of such a diverse spectrum of knowledge discipline that makes the meaning of design itself so hard to define, especially in a simple and easy-to-understand way. There is a trend that design educators are infinitely expanding the meaning of design to such an extent that it almost covers every knowledge discipline.
Friedman commented that the nature of design "as an integrative discipline places it at the intersection of several large fields. In one dimension, design is a field of thinking and pure research. In another, it is a field of practice and applied research. When applications are used to solve specific problems in a specific setting, it is a field of clinical research. I propose a generic model of design as a field of theory, practice, and application composed of six domains. Three theory domains (natural sciences, humanities and liberal arts, and social and behavioral sciences) are interrelated with three domains of practice and application (human professions and services, creative and applied arts, and technology and engineering). Design may involve
any or all of these domains, in different aspects and proportion, depending on the nature of the project at hand or the problem to be solved.... Although these are necessary domains of design knowledge, no one design professional can be expected to master all these areas of knowledge and skill."
"[D]esign has begun to take new form in the knowledge economy. The need for designers to consider their work as an integrated process flowing through and embedded in the entire process of conceptualizing, planning, and realizing products and services means that design is now both a philosophy and a technology.... The philosophy appropriate to design may also be a new kind of philosophy that blurs prior distinction. The knowledge economy is blurring the boundaries between product and service, material and immaterial, hardware and software. In this context, nearly every design practice has immaterial dimensions along with the material. Design as defined here is an act of conceptualization linked to the managerial concept of governance and the industrial concept of control."
Friedman correctly observed the emergence of design as a science "when skills-based professions move from traditional rules of thumb or trial-and-error methods to the use of theory and scientific method.... The growth of a design science is implicit in the ongoing transition from an arts-and-crafts approach to a theory-based design. The design science challenge is to shape an effective process of design that yields effective outcomes. This must be an inquiry-based process, a problem-solving process linked to effective methods for design development. This... requires the use of systematic thinking, a scientific approach." Design today is at the point of moving from a skill-based profession engaged in rules of thumb based on trial and error to instructions based on scientific methods, which has to be built on basic research, applied research, and clinical research.
Without a proper inquiry-based process backuped by research, Friedman argued that good design artifacts may still "evolve" naturally or randomly by intuitive "selection, justified afterward by clever language." The author of that piece of artifact has not yet learned to walk upright as a designer since what he did was "no more and no less a product of evolution than the tools evolved by Homo habilis in 2,500,000 B.C." although what has been added to it might be a snappy look, a fancy package, or a trademark name. In a globalized world migrating to a knowledge economy, designers are facing the challenge of transitioning from crafting things to understanding things.

What research can contribute to the design process is to eliminate the high price in failed developments and extinct lines due to efforts, resources and man-hours wasted on generating intuitively ideas and let them evolve but finally concluded that they do not work. Designers who reject research but insist on tackling design solution with intuitive means will be unable to move beyond craft skill and vocational knowledge to professional knowledge.
Just as Friedman noted, "[t]he design process must integrate field-specific knowledge with a larger understanding of the human beings for whom design is made, the social circumstances in which the act of design takes place, and the human context in which designed artifacts are used. This requires knowledge across domains, linked to a general knowledge of industries and businesses within which design operates."
He argued that although design artifacts do speak for themselves and for their makers through sensory quality, "artifacts do not articulate or clarify the design process. This is where the problem lies. The key difference between design and craft is not in the crafting or the beauty or the esthetic quality of the artifact.... It is a question of process. The design process begins above all with inquiry. Jens Bernsen (1986:10) describes design as "translating a purpose into a physical form or tool." "
If a designer is to create artifacts with a disruptive impact, he inevitably has to pay an ever-increasing amount of attention to the context of the people for whom they create objects -- how the physical and social features and processes will affect the individual behaviour, perceptions and preferences. Design educators are trying to borrow and employ knowledge and techniques from other disciplines, like cultural analysis and criticism, ethographic research from social science to help extracting the principles that underlie cultural trends and to draw out the implications of the insights and offer practicable guidelines for future ideas, plans, policies, organizations, activities, products, services, and images. All these "exotic" knowledge and techniques of course in one hand help the designer to find the best solutions to solve the design problems, but at the same time diffuse the uniqueness of the design knowledge discipline (if there is still any).

What is design? What are the core competencies of designers? How designers should be trained? How should design be treated professionally? Not until the design circle to come up with their own sets of knowledge and skills which othe knowlege discipline need to borrow from, the term "design" will remain ambiguous and only go more ambiguous rather than more precise, and it is not a good trend.

-----
Bernsen, J. (1986). Design: The problem comes first. Copenhagen: Danish Design Council.
Friedman, K., "Conclusion: Toward an integrative design discipline" in Squires, S. & Byrne, B. (eds.) (2002) Creating breakthrough ideas: The collaboration of anthropologists and designers in the product development industry. Westport, CT: Bergin & Garvey.
Heskett, John. (1980). Industrial Design. London: Thames & Hudson.
Wasson, C., "Collaborative work: Integrating the roles of ethnographers and designers" in Squires, S. & Byrne, B. (eds.) (2002) Creating breakthrough ideas: The collaboration of anthropologists and designers in the product development industry, p.71–90. Westport, CT: Bergin & Garvey.

寫給傷害了人和被人傷害的人

三年多前曾經給同學寫過這樣的電郵，現在稍微編輯一下與大家分享，借古喻今：

我不愛看見批評，是因為我知道這性格真的很容易給人帶 來傷害，多數時候都是須要克制的。不要單單說句「這是我的性格」便算，這只會給我們自己籍口不去自律和改進 —— 想想自己的兒女，假若他們有一種貪心的天性（誰沒有？），是否就可以說這是性格的一部份便不去處理？

你 是認識我的，你知道我也可以像你同 樣critical和說一些苛刻的說話，只是我知道大多數時候這些話會帶來傷害多於建設，我便寧可將它收藏起來。這不是因為我聰明，而是因為我軟弱。我還 沒有將這種性情操練到一種收放自如的地步呢！人很多性格都是中性的，處理得不好便會變成缺點，處理得成熟則可以是一種優點。想像你的兒子走進廚房拿著菜 刀，你說這菜刀會是他的工具還是危險（對人對己）？所以我對自己是高度戒備的，因我不要自己成為他人的傷害。在我還未學懂控制自己甚麼時，我還是那些東西 的奴隸。當我學懂控制自己那些東西時，對那些東西來說我便是自由的了。我知若我多認識自己，便越可幫助自己成熟。

容 我再「噴多一點」口 水。不要讓人家的態度和想法決定你回應人家的態度。你是個自由的人，不要讓自己、自己的情緒、自己的反應、態度、舉動等隨便由人家（對你）的態度左右。想 一想耶穌為甚麼可以給無數人侮辱後仍可以沉默如羔羊，甚至為敵人代求，反過來愛他們? 這不是天方夜談，而是活生生的參考。所以我再說一遍：你不是奴隸，你是個自由的人。

祝你早日康復！

「朋友號」
GodlovesU上

----------------------------
So where do we go from here?

For those who feel hurt, forgive. (All of us feel hurt, I am sure.)
For those who feel being treated unfair, forgive.
For those who hurt others, forgive yourself.
For those who treated others not in a fair manner, forgive yourself.

If we don't have that special word, which was repeated 4 times above, we can't go any further. Afterall, success is not learned and built through sucesses, but failures, isn't it?

"Forgiven, reconciled. This is church." ~ Danny Sims

This is Church

Think hard and hard but still didn't know what to write for tonight's gathering. But did came across this excellent piece of prayer to share with you fellow workers:

"This is church. No matter what we’ve made it to be, church is a place where people come for forgiveness and belonging. We’ve all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And there is a high price to pay for our sins. Jesus paid. It. And we all sit in worship together and walk through life together. Forgiven, reconciled. This is church." ~ Danny Sims

做個透明人

一位弟兄好奇地問我：「將自己這麼私人的東西在網上公開了，會不會有點不安全的感覺？」

對，沒有了私人的空間，的確會叫人沒有安全感。然而在這一個世代，已經沒有甚麼真正「私人」的東西給留下來了：在家裡會有一個菲傭看見你剛起床還沒有梳洗 的樣子；由剛出門進入升降機那刻開始，走在街上直至回到辦公室，有人統計過我們都已經被不下十數部閉路監控電視攝錄下來（有看倫敦警方發放的炸彈狂徒 （不，應該說「攜帶者」，因為他們都可能是被騙犯案的！）的照片嗎？有看Keifer Sutherland主演的24嗎？有看Will Smith主演的Enemy of the State嗎？）！我們的一張身份證、一張信用咭、一張八達通、一個手提電話... 都已經成為人家監視我們行蹤、和甚麼人接觸、和財務狀況等的工具；只要你的電腦接了上網，人家便有辦法鎖定你的位置；就是你以為最能保存你最貴重財物的保 險箱，原來都可以無原無故的給銀行掉丟！

由信主初期，已知悉靈命成長的其中一個指標，是作個「透明人」（不是to be invisible，而是to be transparent），要追求一個敞開的生命 —— 敞開去容納人家的不同、敞開去追尋生命的真諦、敞開去讓神充滿和改變自己、敞開去讓人發現上帝在自己身上的奇妙作為！

「我們成了一臺戲給宇宙觀看，就是給天使和世人觀看！我們為基督的緣故，成了愚笨的；你們在基督裡，倒成了聰明的。」∼林前四9下-10上

將自己收藏起來，看似聰明，可以保護自己更多。但在這個沒有私隱的世代，最秘密的東西和事情，有一天都將要給顯現出來。唯有豁了出去的敞開自己，更能經驗那份不屬世界的平安平靜、坦然無懼和海闊天空，世上又少了一種叫自己不安的情緒了。

「我們立定志向，無論住在身內或是與身體分開，都要討主的喜悅。因為我們眾人都必須在基督的審判臺前顯露出來，使各人按著本身所行的，或善或惡，受到報 應。... 我們在　神面前是顯明的，我盼望在你們的良心裡也是顯明的。... 如果我們瘋狂，那是為了神；如果我們清醒，那是為了你們。」∼林後五9-11, 13

將頭生的獻給神

「那時我祈求為要得這孩子，耶和華已經把我向他所求的賜給我了，所以我現在把他獻給耶和華，他的一生是屬於耶和華的。」∼撒上一27-28

聖 經裡有很多神賜子女給祂子民的例子（舊約有亞伯拉罕（創十五1-6，廿一1-7），新約有撒迦利亞（路一5-25））。大女兒出世的時候我獨是想起上面撒母耳的母親 哈拿的話，加上在自己信主的初期，很早已懂得「將頭生的獻給神」的道理（出十三1-16），一直以來都看見神在大女兒身上的恩典確是從來沒有缺少過，只恐 怕自己不懂得將神的道正確地教給她。

今天崇拜上的信息也算是神給我的提醒吧。

To be a good teacher

Just finished a semester of teaching.
Experienced a lot, learned a lot, and a lot to be improved too.

May God guide me on this, Amen.

今天的靈修

「因為我，耶和華你們的　神，緊握著你的右手，對你說：“不要懼怕，我必幫助你。”蟲子雅各啊！以色列人哪！你不要懼怕。我必幫助你；這是耶和華說的。你的救贖主，就是以色列的聖者。」∼賽四十一13-14

「父怎樣把王權賜給我，我也照樣賜給你們」∼路廿二29

未信主的人總愛自己掌握和負責自己的人生和後果，不寧願有位高高在上的上帝管轄自己、幫助自己、或可憐自己。更何況祂看我們不過像微不足道的「蟲子」，怎不叫人反感？

奇怪的是基督徒卻寧願將自己的生命交給那位耶穌，讓祂成為自己的救主和生命的主。一個好像明明是自由自主的生命，幹嗎硬要找一位神或一些宗教的規條來束縛自己？

作 為基督徒，我們都承認（對，是誠實的面對自己！）自己從前是罪的奴僕，如今我們卻都因耶穌被釘十字架的緣故，我們的罪都得代贖了、得釋放、得自由了。但如 今自由的我們雖然可說是有真正的自由靠自己繼續走我們餘下人生的路，但誰都知道單靠自己，我們都將要再次淪為罪的奴僕 —— 人的能力實在太渺少了！面對罪、面對世界各種的價值觀，人就像一條蟲那樣無能力抵禦。如果我們一旦認為我們可以靠自己仍可成功抗衡世界錯謬混亂的文化和價 值觀的衝擊，我們便已經再次成為另一個亞當，跌進了魔鬼叫我們犯罪的陷阱。捨棄了那個被罪侵蝕的我，如果我們要保存著那因耶穌的救恩被贖的我的話，唯一的 方法便是我們要再次成為奴僕，但這次並不是罪的奴僕，而是神的奴僕。倚靠祂，仰望祂，我們才不至失腳，有著一個穩固的根基來抗衡或甚至超越世界的文化和價 值觀的衝擊。更何況這位神根本從來沒有打算將我們看為奴僕，而是兒子，是失而復得的兒子！祂還打算將王權賜給我們與祂一同作王，直到永遠！

你呢？你又打算怎樣？你寧可自己是蟲子或是君王？

-------
我 靈修的材料其實是來自由德國人編製的《Losungen》（英譯Daily Watchwords，現在已有五十多種翻譯），已接近有300年的歷史。對說德語的基督徒來說，就好像我們的《荒漠甘泉》一樣廣受歡迎，單在德國每年銷 量都過百萬本。它將約1,800段舊約經文和整本《新約聖經》編成每日一段舊約及一段新約的經節（並且兩者之間是互相呼應的），每年都以不同的經文選擇和 配對作為我們靈修和默想之用，叫我們對上帝的話都有新的領受。

我下載了中譯的Palm版本用來作靈修的材料已經有兩三年了。（對自己這樣忙的人來說，有時要看一整章聖經的時間都可能沒有！）早上在車上看完當天的Losungen，然後在其餘的時間來思想，都不失為一個好方法...

Losungen不單有Palm版本，還有PocketPC版本和Windows版本。

Learning everyday...

Got irritated by the kids just now.

The more the kids grew up, the more they'll have their own opinions, and the less you'll have control or influence on them -- opinions or viewpoints which may be so different from yours, and you got irritated, disappointed, upset... especially when they insist or disagree with you so strongly even though you have strong and justified reasons.

Perhaps as the kids are growing and learning new things, I as their dad need to learn too...

My Favorite Browser

Which software update will make you feel excited or keep you impatient? Firefox is one. Today I updated mine from 1.0.4 to 1.0.5 -- even such a minor upgrade will make me excited -- and it's significantly faster!

Read this from WIRED:
“Over 10 days in October [2004], more than 10,000 donors visited the Spread Firefox site and kicked in an average of $25 apiece, enough to pay for a two-page spread. The Firefox ad ran in the Times on December 16, featuring the name of every donor in barely readable, 4.5-point type, prompting another deluge of downloads."

Hit Counter Added

Added a hit counter at the bottom of the page -- vow! It's like surgery! This has been the most complicated HTML coding for me the amateur.

The 1st Missing Blog

我份人有一個唔知係優點定缺點，就係樣樣野都有興趣、樣樣野都想試、樣樣野都學人做下... 卒之攪到除左成左家立左室之外就一事無成。但係亦因為唔知係優點定缺點，所以就無乜企圖同動力去改...

呢，呢個禮拜係手上同係個腦裡面既野又照例爆晒燈... 攪到七月六日第一個blog話「Mission #1: post something everyday.」「擒日」首次衰左！我都話架啦，要日日靈修已經難，更何況keep住日日寫blog?

我畢業了！

小女兒今天幼稚園畢業，她說將來要當個幼稚園老師。

媽媽祝她上到小一時學業猛進、讀書快樂。
姊姊祝她將來長大「好聰明、好叻、讀書成績好！」

女兒，我祝妳將來能找都一個好歸宿，在上帝的寵愛下成長！

當年情

弟弟剛來了一個電郵，說很開心我開始了這個blog，說可以從中更多了解我云云...

我有兩個弟弟，剛來電郵的這個是較大的一個，比我少兩歲。小時候（我也記不起是那年了）我曾經因為一些「雞毛蒜皮」的事情（似是未問准我便拿了我的一卷膠紙之類... 弟弟，你記得起嗎？）便孩子氣地沒有直接跟他談話達十年之久！兩兄弟有甚麼要傳達的事情，總是找最年幼的弟弟來傳話，或面向著最年幼的弟弟說話，但說話的內容其實是要跟他說的（幼弟，苦了你了，哈！）... 直至我信了耶穌，從神自己身上學會了「復和」的重要，才在他的一個生辰跟他和好了。現在回想起來，自己因為這樣小的事情斷送了那麼多年手足情的建立和孕育，兄弟之間的感情竟有那麼長的時間是空白的，真教人可笑兼可惜！

弟弟，對不起！（好像還沒有正式跟你說過...）你知道你這封電郵對我來說有多大的意義嗎？若我這個blog可以補償過去我們之間的陌生，我便真的要持續每天都寫些東西了...

其實不單要對弟弟說，還要向更多位家人說同樣的話...

我都見過天煞奇景

中央聖馬田的莘莘學子話見過天煞奇景喎:

> 頗有ID4,「天煞地球反擊戰」feel!)。
> 圖片未經任何 retouch。矯矯色就梗有嫁啦!

你估我無見過呀？我呢張就連色都無改過啦！

Peace in a restless world

能與弟兄閒談了港式設計的怪現象、大家都鍾愛的typography、為設計教育做做夢... 都是一件暢快不過的事情。但還不及知悉弟兄在剛發生的七七倫敦連環爆炸案過後安然無恙來得安慰！

When DESIGN always claiming to make a better world, what can it contribute to make a more peaceful world?

Happy Birthday to HeiHei

小女兒今天六歲了！看看她收的禮物比去年家姐的還要多！
雖然剛過去的星期日已給她舉行了生日會，但看我今天還有沒有時間再買給妳一個生日蛋糕吧...

我的驕傲

大女兒自入讀幼稚園至今年小一上學期，已經連續拿過四次「學業成績優異獎」。今天是她學校的畢業禮，她照樣拿了下學期的「學業成績優異獎」。且看她能持續多少年這樣拿獎了... 努力吧，女兒！妳是爸媽的驕傲！

回想她自從嬰孩時期，已經很愛看書。不論中文或英文的，她都會照樣一本一本的看完它，有時甚至可以看整個下午也不會厭，並且時常要在字典裡查考一些難字的意思。我和太太都將她這性格歸功於她還在媽媽肚子裡的時候，已經聽過我們讀過整本兒童聖經兩三次 —— 那就是說真有胎教這回事吧！（每次談到這件事，也都喚起自己對小女兒的歉意...）

犯賤的男人

老婆今天要到台灣公幹一天，不知怎的由昨日起心裡總是有點慼慼然，有一種說不出的不舒服。難道男人就是這樣犯賤，不到老婆不在身邊的時候便不懂得珍惜？

老婆我愛妳！I'll miss you tonight!

I dedicate this blog to you, because you're the most natural and qualified person to know my thoughts, aren't you?

明晚早點回來哦！

上帝叫刺留在我們身上

「為這事、我三次求過主、叫這刺離開我。他對我說、我的恩典夠你用的．因為我的能力、是在人的軟弱上顯得完全．所以我更喜歡誇自己的軟弱、好叫基督的能力覆庇我。」（林後十二8-9）

我們的信仰最叫人摸不著頭腦的，是它會帶給我們很多負面的經驗。然而我們卻不會因這些經驗而認為「這個宗教不靈驗！」反而從這種表層的負面經驗進深一點看看，往往都存著一中難以言喻的平安、寧靜、喜樂和滿足。或許這便是主耶穌說過要賜給我們的平安吧！

「我留下平安給你們，我把自己的平安賜給你們；我給你們的，不像世界所給的。」（約十四27）

我看這種信仰的吊詭性，真是我們基督信仰所獨有的。這根刺所帶給我們的，明明是一種不好受的經驗，懇求神千萬遍也沒有離我們而去，我們卻反而因它要向神說句感恩的話。這根刺明明對我們是一種羞辱，我們卻反而因它更驚歎神恩的奇妙！

至於我們的軟弱，我敢說百分之九十九都是基於我們自己的私慾、愚昧、驕傲、心硬。當然我們會因著這些軟弱而內疚、痛苦... 我們多次立志要悔改過來，卻都仍是再次跌倒。我們多次為這重重複複再犯的軟弱求神赦免，重複至一個地步，我們自己也不好意思再開口求祂，赦免我們這一犯再 犯的過錯。另一方面，魔鬼又趁此機會在我們旁邊不斷的控訴，或要我們相信自己的無藥可救、或要我們懷疑神應許（約壹一9）的信實，相信神的愛其實有限，早 已對我們的頑梗掩面不顧等... 直至我們認為自己招架不來，就不再奢望神能幫助我們勝過它，只有求神將「這根刺」挪開... 可是有些軟弱神是會聽我們、憐憫我們；然而有些軟弱神就是硬著心暢要它留在我們身上，讓它像刺一樣折磨我們... 可是就算是魔鬼的詭計，落在上帝手中也有辦法將它化為對我們的祝福（看看約伯），這是上帝高明的地方。但我們要注意的是：這些刺明明是我們自己的軟弱，不要將它說成是「從主來的」，因為「人被試探，不可說『我被　神試探』；因為神不能被惡試探，他也不試探任何人。每一個人受試探，都是被自己的私慾所勾引誘 惑的。」（雅各書一13-14）

親愛的弟兄姊妹們，我不要求你要向其他人分擔自己的刺（這麼羞辱的東西，我還有顏面告訴他人嗎？），我所要求你們的，乃是要求你們在最軟弱兼無助的時候，還是要打開聖經看看神給我們的應許，緊握著它、給它賦予信心，魔鬼便要因你的站立得穩而逃跑...

「拿起信心的盾牌，用來撲滅那惡者所有的火箭；並且要戴上救恩的頭盔，拿起聖靈的寶劍，就是神的道，藉著各樣的禱告和祈求，隨時在聖靈裡祈禱」（弗六16-18）

主耶穌在曠野受魔鬼的試探，不就是用神的道來退敵的嗎（太四1-11，路四1-13）？

Reply to a sister-in-Christ

上個月覆了一個這樣的電郵給一位主內的姊妹，給大家分享：

> 當人認為魔鬼一定奸，天使一定忠的時候有沒有想過，魔鬼界裡面可能有天使，正如天使界裡面可能有魔鬼。從小我們便被灌輸每件事不應該只看表面。任何事都有兩個角度，為何我們只會看一個。

呢個係典型「後現代」對事物既睇法：樣樣野都企圖話無絕對、樣樣野都係相對、樣樣野都係睇你點睇；上天堂可以睇成好悶蛋、落地獄反而更過癮；你最信得過既 人轉過頭可以出賣你、你既死敵又話唔定有朝一日會同你走埋一齊... 我淨係想話個世界雖然係咁，但係我地要點樣睇呢個世界，唔係由個世界既情況黎定，係我地自己可以揀既！雖然我最信得過既人轉過頭可以出賣自己，但我偏偏揀信佢，你又吹咩？耶穌起初揀猶大做門徒咪係咁囉！神就係偏偏叫我地要愛仇敵、俾人打完左便面就俾埋右便佢打（太五38-41，路六27-36）... 呢D就係魔鬼諗唔到同做唔到既野喇，上帝勁就勁係呢度！

> 如果魔鬼知道自己變了做天使又或者天使察覺自己變成魔鬼。真想知他們會否感到害怕。

點解如果魔鬼知道自己變了做天使會感到害怕？Darth Vader在最後一刻脫離了dark side of the Force，還告訴Luke Skywalker是他救了自己。 如果魔鬼可以變番做天使，就證明牠裡面仲有良知，所以變番做天使應該開心，唔係害怕！我地淨係由好變壞先至會害怕，邊有人會驚自己由壞變好？因為由好變壞往往係一個不由自主既決定，但係由壞變好就都係一個經由自由意志既選擇。後現代既年青人好多時都鍾意將自己放係一個被動既位置，唔記得自己係任何事上其實都有選擇權，呢樣野係上帝俾人其中一樣最寶貴既禮物。

如果天使因察覺自己變成魔鬼而變得害怕就理所當然。不過係上帝裡面，「正」就「正」在有祈禱認罪求赦免呢回事，而且永遠有效，你話「正」唔「正」？上帝呢招高唔高？

> 我在想天使會不會有決定錯誤的時候

會又點？都係個句：係上帝裡面「正」就「正」在有祈禱認罪求赦免呢回事，而且永遠有效?

> 又假如幫我們選擇的是天使界裡面其中一隻魔鬼，結果會如何。

無乜出奇。上帝好多時都會將計就計架啦！你睇下《創世記》裡面約瑟俾佢D兄弟出賣既經歷，到頭來佢自己話成件事係成就左神拯救佢全家既計劃。魔鬼想整鬼約伯，點知佢同神既關係就更加好（伯四十二1-6）。上帝幾時都高魔鬼不知幾多皮！

> 對於重要決定，我們會考慮會掙扎會擔心自己的選擇是錯是對。做了錯誤的決定，有人會後悔，有人會試圖補救，有人會逃避，有人會怨天尤人。還是想老套地說一 句，既然凡事有兩面，假設決定是錯，能否當給自己一個考驗再去面對。無論選擇逃避或後悔甚至繼續錯下去，只會令自己更加泥足深陷。

全部都唔岩！點解要自己攬晒D煩惱同內疚上身唧？應該向神禱告認罪求赦免呀嗎，死蠢！

> 魔鬼的存在是訓練我們抵受引誘，

都唔岩，千祈唔好咁諗！魔鬼引誘我地既時候佢自己都無諗過話要訓練我地架嗎，點解要將佢既詭計講成對我地有好處？都係個句囉，要小心呢?「後現代」對事物既睇法：樣樣野都企圖話無絕對、樣樣野都係相對、樣樣野都係睇你點睇?

> 我相信心魔也有其善良的時候。

諗下寫呢句?個人知唔知自己寫緊乜?

Give your 1st-born to God

May this blog be a place where my Lord Jesus is glorified...

我的見證

我從小便就讀於教會學校，對耶穌基督的認識可算不淺，但那時耶穌對我來說只是書本上和歷史上的一個人物，與我的生命根本談不上有甚麼關係。

　　少年時代最不平凡的經歷，要算小五那年逃學（計劃翌日離家出走但已被父母阻止了）、偷哥哥和媽媽的錢（最多那次在媽媽千五元家用中偷去七百元）、中一時離家出走... 其它的時間我則是一個極為平凡的青少年人。因為我個子瘦削，性格是偏向自卑的。

　　當我修讀中六那年，一位我頗敬重的中國歷史科老師在談到古代宗教的起源時，說明神靈其實乃人類對大自然不可知和不可解等現象的解釋，當時我極為贊同，並且接受了無神的想法。

　　進入理工學院修讀設計期間，受同學間文化的影響，我由一個只會為考試而讀書轉變成一個「想做就去做」的人。別人不敢作的事，我偏逞英雄挺身去作。我看自己這些態度為「瀟洒」和「有性格」。於是我常故意犯校規、與學校的保安員作對、在學生會中替同學的學業問題挺身與校方理論，爭取這爭取那... 好一個熱血青年，處處站在同學的一方為他們說話。由於我這種「義氣」的性格，我贏得一些同學的欣賞，被選為班代表、又在學生會當財政等... 很多時候我也實在欣賞自己這種願為人犧牲的性格。因此，那時的我覺得生命是滿有意義的。但當人靜下來的時候，偶然也會有一點情緒病，突然間無緣無故的變得憂鬱起來，但我想人就是這樣的，並沒有甚麼不妥；況且突然的憂鬱，有時亦會顯得頗「有型」和「有性格」的。在理工三年班那年，有一次我在書店偷了一本書， 回到學校班房中還大事炫耀一番 —— 沒有人敢作的我做到了！對於這件事大部份同學都對我感到驚嘆和佩服，但卻惹來我鄰座一位要好同學的不滿 —— 因為他是個基督徒。雖然他立即責備我的不是，但我卻沒有放在心裡，因為我已滿足於其他同學給我的評價。

　　到了畢業那年，功課壓力非常大，必須要做到最佳水準，才可順利畢業（及在同學面前不丟臉）。八三年三月初，我那位基督徒同學首次向我傳福音，但信耶穌對那時的我來說當然是個無聊至極的提議。我也曾在街上踫過一些向人傳道的基督徒和耶和華見證人，通常每次都會落在無意義的辯論中；今次對這位同學也不例外，我希望做到的，便只是利用自己的辯才來滿足自己的好勝心吧了。我們談道時大部份時間都花在「神是否存在？」這問題上，雖然我心裡根本沒有方法證明神的不存在，但仍想對他的說法處處加以否定。神沒有叫我的同學灰心，反而使他加倍對我忍耐和用盡各樣的智慧來對付我，例如借一些福音性的小書冊給我讀，然後每天課後或午飯時與我談論書中的內容，如是者維恃了整整一個月，期間我讀了至少五本福音性的小書冊。由於在看書時我無須與人辯論，可以誠實的面對自己，心境沒有那種與人爭辯的激動情緒，最後好不容易才接受了神存在的可能性實在大於不存在。可是我仍然沒有接受耶穌做我個人的救主，因為我還是非常心硬和不斷問為甚麼來遮掩我的不服氣。

　　四月三日晚上我在非常不願意之下接受了我這位同學的邀請，來到恩召堂參加佈道會。他在前一晚向我抱怨說如果我硬是說他煩器，他便會住口不再勉強我。鑒於他的真誠我最後還是答允了他。當晚佈道會的主題是「理想何處尋？」，說到耶穌乃理想的終極。我則認為人生每個要達成的目標皆可算是理想，當我每達到一個目標時，我便達到多一個理想，這樣不斷向前的人生不就是很快樂嗎？就這樣會後照例經過了另一次沒有結果的辯論，我還是硬著心、沒有決志便離開了。當晚我回家後在床上準備要睡前，不知怎的拿起了一本我已經看過一遍的一本福音書冊，從頭開始再讀一遍。當我看到一個火警的比喻時，聖靈突然找著了我的心。比喻說到假若我家發生火災，我的即時反應必定是立即逃命，不會花時間去深究起火的因由。我恍然大悟，明白要接受耶穌未必先要明白一切有關神的問題才去決志的，因為一方面我根本沒可能完全明白神的一切和祂的事情，另一方面我沒有把握自己明天會否仍然活著，叫我可以繼續追問下去；萬一真有天堂地獄，我是沒有後著便要滅亡於疑問中了。於是我決定嘗試接受耶穌，看看祂是否真實。我就這樣拿出一點勇氣，在床上決志相信了祂。當下即時的感覺我還清楚記得：就是當我在禱告中向神承認自己是一個罪人的時候，我感到那是我一生中最誠實面對自己的一刻。之後我亦開始參加恩召堂的聚會...

　　今天我回想信主後的感受，沒有甚麼可以代替感謝和讚美。我做人處事的態度改變了。我沒有了從前那種在人前力爭榮譽的性格。我很多自卑感再沒有了；因為我知道和肯定神愛我、欣賞我。我對自己的肯定不再完全依賴他人的評價了，反倒在基督耶穌裡找到；因為祂愛我，為我捨命。在面對與人有不同或甚至對立的意見時，我已不用爭辯來作為解決方法，反能用接納和開放的態度來聆聽，和從前那種心硬成了強烈對比；因為聖靈愛我，時常提醒我，甚至改造了我的性格。論到人生的理想，我的眼光不再只落在即時的目標，配以不斷的向前衝來填補人生的空虛，反而寶貴在神那裡的榮耀冠冕和賞賜，與及永生的盼望。

　　最後一點，我想亦是最重要的，就是主耶穌十架的大愛。我從前接受祂並不是因為祂的愛，而是用嘗試與祂交個朋友的態度。但信主後透過讀經祈禱、追求真理、加上在教會中與弟兄姊妹相交，我愈能體驗神大愛的真實，不是我們以有限的想像和言語可以描繪的。我曾給一首歌譜上這樣的歌詞：

　　　　我今天相信耶穌，我今天相信祂，
　　　　曾為我重罪降世上，十架釘身拯救我。

　　　　我今天相信耶穌，我今天相信祂，
　　　　他朝必得見面，攜我往天家裡去。

　　　　　　我每次愁困喪志，卻多番得到主所施恩更身；
　　　　　　嘗過眼淚，蒙祂安慰... 噢...

　　　　為報祂拯救罪身，要將身心奉獻；
　　　　為報祂所賜盼望，決心將一生擺上，
　　　　我決心將今生擺上！

Acknowledgements

Thanks to these people who inspired me to create my own blog:
中央 聖 學子, Kenneth, 林檎妹子.

You guys have helped me to find a new way to waste my time!

Everything starts here!

So this starts my blog!

Mission #1: post something everyday.